Family & Friends: How to support people with depression or borderline personality disorder

You know someone suffering from depression or borderline personality disorder – and you want to help but don't know how? Then you've come to the right place. We'll show you, with empathy, what really matters – with tips from experience and honest insight. Because true support doesn't start with advice, but with genuinely being there.

Understand instead of judge

Depression and borderline are not imagination, not a phase, not a "bad day." They are serious mental illnesses with invisible suffering – often accompanied by deep exhaustion, emotional chaos, or guilt.

What can help:

  • A genuine interest in the illness – read up, listen, learn.
  • But: Don't try to "play doctor" or be the solution.
  • Every person is different – what helps you doesn't necessarily help others.

From personal experience: What relatives should know

It is important to familiarize yourself with the diagnosis – to read up and understand what is really behind it.
But: Please don't believe that you can solve the problem yourself. Playing doctor is taboo.

Every person with a mental illness is unique. Just because vacation, meditation, or fresh air helps you, doesn't mean it will work for the other person.

Words like "How are you?" or "Are you okay?" often feel like a test. Instead: Just be there – honestly, present, without pressure.

Avoid well-intentioned advice like "Just think positively" or "Just go away for a bit". That's what therapy and doctors are for.
Your role: Provide support. Empathize. Without overwhelming.

Being there in difficult moments

If the other person hurts themselves, expresses dark thoughts, or withdraws more and more, it can be frightening. But you are not powerless.

What you can do:

  • Stay calm and signal: "I am here for you."
  • Always take suicidal thoughts seriously. Without panic, but with responsibility.
  • When in doubt, call for medical help or the psychiatric crisis service at 116 117.
  • Speak openly and directly: "I notice that you are feeling very bad – would you like to get help together?"
  • Don't forget yourself

It's okay to feel overwhelmed. You don't always have to be able to function.

That's why self-care is important:

  • Seek exchange – e.g., in self-help groups.
  • Allow yourself conscious breaks: walks, music, quiet moments.
  • Remember: Only those who take care of themselves can be there for others.

Helpful online resources for relatives

  1. German Depression Aid – Information, videos, and guides specifically for relatives of people with depression. Includes emergency tips and explanations.
  2. Psychiatrie.de – Clear information on mental illnesses, communication tips, and self-care for relatives.
  3. Borderline-Netzwerk e. V.: Specializing in Borderline: opportunities for exchange, personal accounts, and professionally sound knowledge for relatives and affected individuals.
  4. NAKOS.de: The central contact point for finding self-help groups near you – also specifically for relatives of people with mental illnesses.
  5. TelefonSeelsorge – Online & anonymous: Free, anonymous support via email, chat, or phone (0800 111 0 111) – for anyone who wants to talk but doesn't know who with.

Sometimes silent presence is more valuable than a thousand words. Thank you for being there. For someone else. And also for yourself.